CHAPTER SEVEN - HEADING FOR THE FINISH LINE

We have had our share of drug overdoses which have happened primarily in the parking lot. I didn't see this happen but we had a woman run naked through the mall high on drugs one morning. On another occasion I got a call that a man was acting crazy and when I got there he was dancing in the middle of the road having himself a good ole time. Another time a man pointed out a woman that was slumped over her steering wheel. Upon further investigation I realized she was the mother of my niece which was an awkward situation for me. She was so drunk that she didn't recognize me. 

 One night I got a call that two men were slumped over in a car near Shoe Carnival. I called our on site police officer and he arrived on scene a little before I did. When he first arrived he thought they were dead. After I arrived he was talking to a man on the passenger side that was just starting to gain consciousness. We spotted syringes right out in the open and the officer told me to call 911 in order to ask for back-up and an ambulance. When they arrived the paramedics were able to rouse both men. 

 While they were checked out the police began a thorough search of the car. They found not only syringes but crack and a big bag of pills. There was also a flare gun and some flares in the back seat. By the end of the search the men were alert and the paramedics decided not to transport them to the hospital. The men were brothers and the one in the drivers seat was out on parole from prison. The brother in the passenger seat had no record. His brother who was in violation of his parole took the rap in order to keep his brother out of prison. Besides being in possession of illegal drugs and paraphernalia he was also charged with being in possession of an illegal firearm. Our police officer said that he would not taste freedom for a long while.

Recently I was called to a department store where 2 women were suspected of stealing. I asked if store personnel wanted call police and they would not commit, so I left the store. About an hour later one of our mall walkers told me that a woman was passed out in her car near the bowling alley. Upon arrival I discovered several people standing near a car that was running and with a woman slumped over the steering wheel. I asked if anyone had called 911 and a man answered that he had and was on the phone with them. All the doors were locked and I couldn't open the doors. I then recognized the woman as one of the suspected shoplifters on my earlier call. Her sister, who was the other alleged thief, arrived on scene and became hysterical. She was telling me that her sister was dying and that I needed to break the glass with my stick. I told her that I had nothing to break the glass with and to calm down because I could hear emergency vehicles very close by. Upon arrival a paramedic broke the drivers side window  and luckily the woman was still breathing. We have have numerous drug overdoses in my 11 years at the mall and at least one death I believe. 

 Besides the man who accused me of giving him a prostrate exam we have had numerous funny moments. Like the time that I encountered a man in a dinosaur costume and my daughter who is an officer encountering two boys fishing inside the mall. They were wearing waders and using fishing rods to cast cucumbers into center court. One day I got a call from one of our off duty police officers who was eating at a mall restaurant. He told me "You wont believe what I just saw. I was leaving and noticed an elderly man squatting in a handicap space next to his car. When he stood up his pants were down below his knees. Thinking that something might be wrong I asked him if he needed help. The man replied, "if you mean did I just take a shit in the parking lot your damn right I did." The man wasn't lying. He had just deposited a pile of crap right there in the parking lot. It turns out that he was a 93 year old WW2 veteran and his wife was shopping in a nearby book store. Apparently he felt like he couldn't make it inside on his own. I told the police officer that if you are 93, and survived WW2, you have earned the right to take a crap anywhere you want to I guess. 

 One day a man walked up to me in the Food Court and said that there was a man outside with a boom box on his head. Thinking that he meant the guy was carrying a boom box radio on his shoulder I just figured that he was playing it too loud. I walked out of the Food Court and almost ran into a man who was literally wearing a boom box on his head. Apparently he had removed the guts of the radio and was using it as a hat of some kind. Since people are not allowed to cover their face on mall property I explained our policy and asked him to take it off. He refused and I asked him to leave, which he did. Of course he had to remove the boom box in order to drive his car.