CHAPTER THREE - ALMOST HOME

 

I am proud of all of our children, our grandchildren, and we love them very much. All of them are good moral people and talented in some way or the other. My oldest boy Rob not only looks like my father but like him he is a great father himself. My father was a great father before he succumbed to mental illness. Rob, and his wife Lisa, have spent much time and money allowing their boys Robbie and Blaine to pursue their sports interests over the years. Just like Rob they are great athletes. Rob is very laid back and nothing seems to bother him. He has always seemed to have his head screwed on right and is very smart. He has a great sense of humor. I hate that he lives in Vero Beach Florida and I only get to see him a couple of times a year but he seems to be very happy. He is also a U.S. Navy veteran.

Our daughter Misty is a survivor because she has been through a lot. I have worried much about her over the years. She has always been a stunningly beautiful girl. Misty could have had any man she wanted but the men that she has chosen over the years have always been out of her league and pretty flawed. She has found a good man, however; worthy of her. He is not only a good man and a hard worker. Misty is funny and a lot of fun to be around because she is Miss personality. She is very talented and has a creative gift for designing and making things with her hands. We love to pick on her in a good natured way. Like the time she and a friend were driving to Ft. Campbell and they ended up in Metropolis Illinois before they realized they were lost. Misty has four great children. Courtney, Tyler, Connor and Lydea. Now, she has six beautiful grandchildren named Baylee, Maddox, Avery, Aaron. Elena and Mason.

 My daughter Melanie reminds me so much of my mother. She is never critical of others and is loved by everyone. Her children are all just like her. When Rob, Misty, and Jon were little I was always working, and going to school almost continuously. I never got to spend that much quality time with them when they were small that I should have. Melanie came along when I was 27 and college was behind me. I was able to be a better father to her than I had been to the rest of my children. At least I had more quality time to spend with her. I am so proud of her for going back to school in her thirties while raising three children. Gabriel, Donie and Russell. The youngest, Russell is a special needs child with spinabifida. She received an Education degree from Middle Tennessee State University and is now an Educational Assistant in Murfreesboro Tennessee. She is working toward becoming a fulltime teacher.

 Jon was probably our most creative child when it came to music, song writing, and art. He was probably our most sensitive child. We butted heads a lot over the years because he was so much like me in many ways. As a child I had to whip him more than any of my kids. He was a good Christian man, however; and he and his wife Carrie raised three great boys. Zachary, Zane and Zander. Like me, he suffered from anxiety but was able to overcome it. Two months before his death Jon and his wife Carrie moved to Vero Beach Florida and lived close to my son Rob.

August 29-2021

My son Jon passed away at 12:15 PM Eastern Standard Time on August 24, 2021 of Covid in Vero Beach Florida where he had been living for about a month. He turned 47 on June 24, 2021. His wife Carrie also has the disease and we are praying for her complete recovery. As of today she appears to be recovering but with this disease we can only keep our trust in God to heal her. I always said that losing my parents was the worst day of my life but losing a child is worse. My wife and I have holes in our hearts that can never be repaired.

I think it was around Tuesday 8-17-21 that I learned that Jon had Covid. Around Thursday or Friday I called to check on him and he sounded like he had a stuffy nose but he told me that he was feeling better. He said that the previous days had been rough because he had been super tired, achy and running a fever. I told him to keep a close eye on things and if he started getting short of breath to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. I told him that I loved him as we said goodbye. This, as it turned out, was the last time that I would get to talk to him. I called on Sunday to check on him again. His wife Carrie answered the phone and she said that he was not doing well. He had a headache and he had a weird pain in his eyes. She also told me that she had tested positive for Covid.

On Monday morning 8-23, very early, I got a call from Carrie saying that she was taking Jon to the ER because he was very short of breath. I told her to keep us posted because my wife Debbie was having a colonoscopy that morning. Later that afternoon Carrie called back crying and she said that Jon wasn't doing any good and that they were putting him on a ventilator. Although some people have survived after being put on a ventilator I have been told that your prospects for survival diminish. Oh God, I said, when she told me the news. I told Debbie that we needed to get packed because we were leaving for Florida in the morning bright and early.

After we arrived home I received a call from my oldest son Rob that Carrie had called our daughter-in- law Lisa and told her that they were doing CPR on Jon. I called Carrie and she said that they were able to get his heart started again but he would probably go into cardiac arrest again and did she want to revive him. I told her that yes we wanted him resuscitated. Debbie and I were not ready to give up on him and Carrie wasn't either. The doctor told her that Jon would not last through the night. I told Deb, that we needed to leave that night. After calling my daughter Misty she said that she wanted to go with us. At that point we didn't know if we would even get there before he died.

As I rushed around the house collecting clothes and items for the trip my mind was in a whirl. I was numb throughout the process and for most of the way to Florida. Everything was moving so quickly that it bothered me because I wasn't feeling grief or anything else at that moment. I just didn't have time to mentally and emotionally process what was happening to my son.

We arrived at Yee Haw Junction just off the Florida Turnpike at about 8:00 AM in the morning on Tuesday August 24th after driving all night. My daughter Misty helped with the driving. As we were riding down State Route 60 Carrie called and said that he didn't have long. We asked her to put the phone on speaker and put it up to his ear so we could talk to him. It was soon after that call that the reality of the whole thing hit me like a ton of bricks and I had to pull over to the side of the road because I was having an emotional meltdown.

Upon arrival we were led by hospital staff up to the ICU unit. The head nurse there got us up to speed on what was happening with Jon at that moment. She said that Covid was the least of his problems. When he entered the ER his vital signs were showing that he was having a heart attack. She said that he was in two different kinds of coronary shock and his vital organs such as the heart, liver and kidneys were all shutting down. The virus had attacked his heart and she believed that Jon had an underlying heart condition that he was not aware of. As far as I knew all Jon had wrong with him was high blood pressure and he was on medication for that. Without an autopsy we will never know what actually happened. All I know is that Jon's condition from the time that he entered the ER until he died was a very short time.

The terrible thing is that less than an hour before Jon died his wife Carrie was forced to leave the hospital. She had been with him for most of the night but apparently no one thought to ask Carrie if she had Covid. She was wearing a mask and had even been in the room with him. Carrie had gone home to rest and early in the morning around 3:00 AM a nurse called to tell her that she had better return because Jon's condition had grown worse. When the head nurse that was briefing us found out she had Covid she became agitated and made Carrie leave which I thought at that point was ridiculous. She was trying to maintain her distance from everyone and they should have allowed her to be with John at least until he passed.

The nurse told us that we would not be allowed to be with him when he died but we could watch through the glass doors. She said that they would make sure he wouldn't die alone. We all gathered outside his room. My wife Debbie and myself were there along with my son Rob, his wife Lisa, my daughter Misty, my brother Mark and his wife Kay. We could see the head nurse and one other nurse each holding a hand while they began taking him off of the medications that were keeping him alive. A Catholic priest suited up to bestow final blessings on him. We are not Catholic but the protestant chaplain was out with Covid. We were secure in the knowledge that Jon was a Christian so it didn't matter to us whether he was Catholic or Protestant.

They finally withdrew all life support medication but Jon was still holding on. I saw his eyes open for a brief moment but they were lifeless. Someone told me that this was not unusual. The head nurse walked out and told us that sometime a persons loved ones need to tell them that it is okay to leave. This is what happened when Debbie's brother Ronnie died in 1995 at almost the same age as Jon. Ronnie was only a year older than Jon. Debbie, Misty and myself suited up to do this unpleasant task.

I held Jon's left hand and I will never forget how cold it was. Debbie and Misty were holding his right hand while we leaned in close to talk to him. I can't remember anything that anyone else said but I told him that my mother and Debbie's mother would meet him in heaven and that they couldn't wait to see him. Overcome with emotion I had to leave the room and had another emotional breakdown outside. After composing myself somewhat I watched as he finally passed and I saw Debbie and Misty both lose it at that moment. I looked at the clock and it was 12:15 PM Florida time.

I always thought that I might one day lose a child to cancer, heart disease, or in a car wreck or some other kind of accident but never to a virus. When these dark thoughts entered my head I tried to quickly push them out. We almost lost Misty in 2007 but she survived by the grace of God. The thought of losing a child is just too horrible to contemplate. After losing my parents the way I did I always hoped that I wouldn't have to deal with grief again on that scale. Grief is no fun and I will never get that image out of my brain of my seemingly healthy child lying dead on that hospital gurney and the way he looked and felt to the touch.

I was not the greatest father in the world. If I had to give myself a rating I was a good one but not a great one. Not like my dad or my oldest son Rob. I will always regret not spending more time with my children when they were small. I have good memories of the quality time that we did spend together but those times were far too few in my view. I spent a lot of time with Jon taking him back and forth to the doctor when he was being treated for a rare bladder condition. We went to a Godzilla movie together, and he went with me to hunt Civil War relics. I went with him on a church trip to Cumberland Caverns for a weekend but beyond that I can't remember spending that much time with him as a child. Other than the usual backyard stuff. Like my father I taught him the fundamentals of baseball. When Jon was a toddler he would crack me up when I would tell him to choke up on the bat and he would start coughing because he didn't understand what I meant.

Yet Jon always acted like he was crazy about me in spite of my shortcomings and I know that I was crazy about him. I will never forget how happy I was when he was born. The song Having My Baby was playing on the radio as I was driving to the hospital the day after he was born. That song has always had a special place in my heart. As with all of my children we have become a lot closer in their adult years. Probably even closer than when they were children. Jon and I had deep theological discussions together and he also asked my opinion on current affairs and wanted me to decipher certain issues or events that were in the news. When he was suffering with anxiety I feel like I was a great help to him because he leaned on my own experience with anxiety. Until the NFL players began disrespecting our country by kneeling during the National Anthem we shared a love for the Tennessee Titans. He could never give up on them like I did. I will never forget how he jumped in my lap and hugged my neck with joy after the Titans scored the winning touchdown during the Music City Miracle. Jon, I love you and miss you. We will one day be reunited in heaven.