BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

One Sunday night close to my birthday in February 1967, Debbie said that she wanted to go to Church with my cousin Pam Patterson. I was in a bad mood and church was the last place that I wanted to be that night. I went with her but I wasn't a happy camper. When we got back to Debbie's house I didn't notice anything unusual until I stepped into the den. Everyone jumped out shouting happy birthday. Debbie had organized a surprise birthday party for me. I was very surprised and embarrassed for acting like a jerk that night. My sister Donna had helped plan the surprise and I hadn't been talking to her for a while. That made me feel even worse. I wasn't talking to her because she had embarrassed me in front of Debbie a few months before and I was still mad at her.

 In the next few weeks after my party I began to notice a change in Debbie's attitude toward me. Like the Righteous Brothers song, she had lost that loving feeling. Debbie was giving me the cold shoulder at school and there were long awkward silences when we talked on the phone at night. We had been going together for about a year and in my heart I knew we were headed for a break-up but I didn't want to face reality. After a while I couldn't take the coolness any longer and that night on the phone I asked her if she wanted to break up with me. I could tell that it was difficult for her and after what seemed like eternity she finally admitted that she wanted to break up and date other guys. I was devastated and I hate to admit it but I cried a lot over the next days and weeks. My heart was broken. Debbie was the first girl that I ever loved and I wanted her to be the last. I broke off all contact with her for about a month or so but one day in the hallway at school Debbie's best friend Carolyn Robinson walked up to me and handed me a note from Debbie. She was wanting to get back together and I was ecstatic. I was far too eager to resume our relationship and I called her that night but events would soon prove that she wasn't really ready to get back with me like I thought.

I could tell immediately that things weren't the same between us but I didn't care. Just being with her again was good enough for me. At that time I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Debbie but she was still wanting to play the field.. There was a Diesel college on Gallatin road and young boys from all over the country were going to school there. Most of them came from the mid western states like Illinois, Indiana, Pennsylvania, and Michigan, just to name a few. They lived in apartments all over East Nashville and were competition for the local guys when it came to girls. For some reason East Nashville girls found them exciting because they were a little older and from out of town. The first sign of trouble came when I found Debbie sitting in the passenger seat of a car talking to a Diesel college boy one day after school. When I asked why she was talking to him her excuse was that he was just a friend that she knew and it was nothing. Naively I gave her the benefit of the doubt. At this time I was still saving to buy a car and in my mind a guy who had no car was facing stiff competition on the dating scene.

A few weeks after this incident I was walking home from work one night and I would always walk by Debbie's house on my way home. As I approached her house I noticed what looked like a blue convertible pulling up to her front sidewalk. I stood in the shadows watching from across the street while a boy and a girl got out of the car and ran into the house. I thought that the girl was Debbie but I wasn't sure in the dark. I was hurt and angry, not only because she might be with another boy but she was with a boy on a week night. My rules were that I could only come over on weekends. Even though I suspected that she was with somebody else I was willing again to give her the benefit of the doubt. I rationalized that maybe she was with a relative and I acted as if nothing was wrong when I saw her at school.

On the following Sunday I planned to come to her house as usual and I called to tell her that I was coming. Her niece Tammy, who was about 6 years old at the time, answered the phone. I asked to speak to Debbie but Tammy, with the candor of a 6 year old, said that her Aunt Debbie was with her new boyfriend Gene. Stunned, I just hung up the phone and walked over to my best friend Gus Fowler's house on Greenwood avenue. Gus could tell that I was upset and asked what was wrong. I told him and he immediately jumped into his car and took off and didn't say where he was going. Mrs. Fowler hugged me and I cried like a baby on her shoulder. I was embarrassed but she was very compassionate and I needed a shoulder to cry on just then. Gus drove by and picked up a friend, and unknown to me had driven by Debbie's house in order to call her a bitch as they drove by her house. Debbie has always believed I sent Gus over there but I had nothing to do with it.

I made up my mind then and there that I was going to break up with her for good and try to put her behind me. When I got home I called her and said I wanted to break up. She sounded very nonchalant about it over the phone but after we were married she told me that she cried because she really didn't want to break up. This happened near the end of our junior year and our break-up was a blessing because we were planning to get married before the start of our senior year. I didn't see Debbie all summer and several times I had the opportunity to date other girls but because of my broken heart and my usual shyness, I just couldn't bring myself to ask anyone out.

I started my senior year, 1967-68 in a depressed state of mind. More than ever I was still in love with Debbie but I hadn't seen her at all for months. That summer I took my savings of 900.00 dollars and bought a 1963 green Chevy II. Because I had no one to teach me to drive I paid for lessons through a private driving school. The day that I took my eye exam for my license is the day that I found out I needed glasses because I failed my eye test. I loved that car and I felt as if I had been liberated. I would constantly drive by Debbie's house hoping that she would see me in my car and I would try to imagine what she might be doing at that particular time of the day. You do stupid stuff when you are in love.

On my first day of school I walked into Mr. McGehee's sociology class and took a seat in the very back of the room. I was checking out the girls in class when I noticed a cute girl sitting in the front desk of the same row that I was sitting in. From where I was sitting I couldn't see her face that well until she would turn her head from side to side. I hadn't seen this girl before and I couldn't take my eyes off of her the whole class. Something about her chin looked familiar to me. The bell rang and we all got up to leave. I bent over to get my books from under the desk and as I looked up the girl I had been staring at turned sideways in her seat. She stood up and looked straight at me and our eyes met at that moment. I was utterly shocked to realize that the cute girl that I had been watching was Debbie. To me her appearance was radically different and I liked it very much. Her hair was much shorter and because of that I had not recognized her.

Seeing her again only made things worse. I wanted to be with her more than ever but I was bound and determined that I would continue ignoring her. For days we passed each other in the hallway and I would see her in class but I never acknowledged her. This went on for a couple of months until one day I was walking on the sidewalk next to the lunch room and Debbie's best friend Carolyn handed me another note. Debbie wanted us to get back together again. I wanted to dance for joy but in my heart I knew I should take things slow and I shouldn't look too eager. It would probably be good if I waited a few days and let her sweat it out a little as they say. As usual I couldn't help myself. I was just too crazy about her and I called that very night. We started dating again and my brain was still telling me not to move too fast but my heart was telling me something else. I felt awkward from the start but I was determined not to lose her again.

Her behavior was still troubling to me. She had dated a few guys that were diesel college students while we were apart. Debbie had been pretty serious with Gene. The same guy that I had caught her with. He was from Jasper Indiana and I found out that after graduating from school he had returned home. In my mind I was thinking that the only reason she wanted me back was because this guy had dumped her. I didn't hold it against her because she had dated while we were apart but what bothered me was that she was still being flirtatious with these diesel college boys right in front of me. Since I have become older and wiser I realize that kids our age at the time are probably incapable of true love. I believe that it is more of an infatuation and lust than it is love. It is only after a long relationship of seeing that person as they really are that you learn to love each other. If you are still around after sickness, pregnancy, crisis, and anger then you are probably in love. It is what holds you together after the passion subsides.

Whenever I talked to my kids about dating I would warn them that the person that they chose to date could end up becoming their partner in marriage. It is important to look for red flags in a relationship. Red flags like drinking too much, being a heavy smoker or using drugs. Such things as being overly possessive, unusually jealous or controlling. Or are they philanderers, do they drink too much, and do they have a good work ethic. If a person exhibits these red flags we should be strong enough to break off the relationship in order to avoid unnecessary pain and heartache. I was lucky to find Debbie. As it turned out her flirtatious behavior was more from immaturity than a lack of character. I could have searched the world over and not found a woman like Debbie. Most couples who marry as young as we were have the deck stacked against them and these marriages end in divorce. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and it can be a nightmare if you make a mistake in judgement. My mother was an example of someone who made a terrible mistake in judgement. As far as I am concerned now Debbie got the worst end of the deal in our marriage. Debbie was immature and so was I. There were times that my jealousy got the better of me that year. When I would see her flirting with or talking to the Diesel College guys it was all I could do to keep from breaking up with her again.

In January I signed up for the Air Force delayed enlistment program. There was a long waiting list because of the war in Vietnam and I was hoping that my name would come up for the Air Force before I was drafted. I asked Debbie to marry me one night while we were waiting for our hamburgers to be brought out to my car at the Krystal on Gallatin road. Nobody can accuse me of being the romantic type. I said something like " I think we should get married". She said yes and we planned to marry right after graduation in June. Not the most romantic start but our love stood the test of time.