CHAPTER ONE - BRIGHT SUN SHINY DAYS

   After my 40th birthday I experienced a mid-life crisis that hit me like a ton of bricks. There were other personal problems that I was having, that I can't discuss here that were really weighing on me. I don't know if I was going through a depression but sometimes I felt like I couldn't function. My plan was to stay in the Air National Guard as long as I could. Partly because of my emotional state, and other factors I wasn't enjoying the Guard as I had in earlier years. I had loved the Guard, especially the men and women who I served with over the years. They were like a second family to me. During those years it was not unusual to laugh until I cried when I was around them. It was a lot of fun mixed in with the occasional hardship and boredom. 

 When I first joined the Guard promotion was almost guaranteed after 12 years of service. By the time I reached my twelfth year the system was changed to a more merit based system. That would have been okay if things had been fair but we definitely had a privileged clique in our unit. I prided myself in the fact that I was purposely not part of it. Over the years I began to see people bypass me in rank with a lot less time than I had. Other than the 1987 deployment to Germany which I had to miss in order to get my job at Bridgestone I made every deployment and weekend drill. I willingly obeyed every order, maintained a sharp military appearance and volunteered for positions such as weight control monitor which was a thankless job. Regardless of what I did I could not get promoted. Promotion was steady and fast in the regular Air Force but the Guard was much more political.

 By 1994 I was maintaining an outwardly good attitude but I was becoming very bitter on the inside. Things began to go downhill after 1990. In the late 1980's a new man joined our unit as an E-4, or what we called a Buck Sergeant. I liked him because he was a very nice guy but over the next few guard drills we noticed that he was receiving special treatment and he was promoted to SSgt. He was being groomed for something but we just didn't know what. You could always tell who was in line for promotion by how well they were being treated by the clique. During the ceremony, when our unit received the new C-130 H models in early 1990, I suddenly realized the answer to our question. He was married to the daughter of a prominent Democrat politician. 

 After our Captain left in 1993 he was selected to be our new commander. The only problem was that he was not an officer and was still a SSgt. This was unprecedented. After failing the officers test several times he was finally allowed to go to officers school. Just after his return from officers school he held a meeting in our ready room. I was incredulous when he told us that promotions, from then on, would be merit based and we would have to work hard to earn it. By then I was 44 and it seemed like we were going into the field more and more doing ABGD training. My heart was no longer in it.

 That summer we were scheduled to do desert training at Nellis AFB in Nevada. The name of the exercise was Silver Flag Alpha. Physically I was up to it, but psychologically I wasn't. I did something that was out of character for me. If I had it to do over again I would have done things differently. When the day came to deploy I just didn't show up. I got dressed and went to work at Bridgestone as I usually did. My unit tried several times to contact me but I refused to return their phone calls. It was weird because I knew that I was wrong but I was going through one of those periods that I felt like I just couldn't function. After they left I drove to the Guard over the next few days pulling my camp in Nashville. 

 While there I talked to someone in personnel and found out that I was eligible for retirement. If I had known this earlier, retirement would have been a perfect solution to my problem. I could have put in for retirement and skipped the deployment to Nevada. Either way, I should have gone to my commander and explained why I didn't want to go. My behavior was inexcusable and a blight on an otherwise nearly perfect military career of almost 21 years. If I had done things differently, who knows, they might have promoted me on my way out the door but I ruined any chance of that happening. In a later ceremony I was awarded both the Air Force Achievement Medal and the Air Force Commendation Medal but that was bittersweet considering how my career had ended on a sour note.

 After my unit returned from Nevada I was called on the carpet for what I did and rightfully so. I was more worried about what the reaction would be from my fellow Airmen, because I felt like I had let them down. Surprisingly, most of them didn't seem upset about it at all and some even said that they admired me for what I did. They told me that they wished they had the guts to do the same thing. There were several, however; that were disappointed in me and I was disappointed with myself, and I still am to this day. The way I handled the situation was a life mistake that I wish I correct. I retired from the Air National Guard in October 1994 and I will always be proud of my service. Serving in the military, for the greatest country in the world, was a great honor and I wouldn't trade anything for the experience, but I wouldn't want to do it again.

 Rob married his girlfriend Jody in 1991 but unfortunately this marriage ended in divorce a few years later. Fortunately, no children were produced by this marriage. Rob would later move to Vero Beach Florida in 1996 and would marry a Florida girl named Lisa on August 7, 1999. Lisa and Rob are still married and have two boys named Robbie and Blaine. They are still living in Vero Beach at the time of this writing in November 2017. Misty would have three children by her first husband Jeff named Tyler, Connor, and Lydea. They were married in the Fall of 1992 and their marriage would later end in divorce. My son Jon and his girlfriend Carrie were married in Beech Grove Tennessee at Gosburg Community Church by my Uncle Bud who was pastoring there on the day of their marriage, March 26, 1994. They would have three boys, Zachary, Zane and Zander. Melanie would marry Kenneth Qualls on July 22, 2000. They have two boys, and a girl named Gabriel, Donie and Russell.

  The years 1995 and 1996 were sad ones for both my family and Debbie's family. Early in 1995 Debbie's Aunt Thelma died. Her Uncle Jesse had been dead for a while and had a full military funeral at Nashville's National cemetery on Gallatin road. Aunt Thelma was buried there alongside Jesse. Sadly my Uncle Bud was found dead after suffering a massive heart attack on Sunday morning August 20th in his motel room in Manchester. He was preaching at his church in Beech Grove. This was the motel where he was staying on the weekends when he was preaching because his permanent residence was in Nashville. During the week he was living with my aunt Didi in Madison. One of his church members went to the motel to check on him when he didn't show up for services that morning. Uncle Bud was 66 years old.

 There was a bright spot, however; in 1995. My grandson Zachary was born in February to Jon and Carrie. He was premature weighing only about three and a half pounds. Early in Carries pregnancy, it was discovered that Zach had a cyst growing in one lung. Doctor's wanted Carrie to abort but fortunately she refused. It was decided by the doctor's at Vanderbilt that they would allow her pregnancy to proceed to a point that it would be safe to surgically remove the cyst in the womb sometime just before delivery. In her last weeks Carrie was admitted to the hospital for total bed rest until the surgery was performed and delivery. If I am not mistaken, this was the first surgery ever performed in the womb at Vanderbilt. Zachary is a tall, handsome and healthy young man today. You would never know that he was premature.

 Sometime later that year we found out that Debbie's brother Ronnie had melanoma. It had spread throughout his body from a mole that was hidden from view on the top of his head. Ronnie lost a lot of weight toward the end and was very frail. This hit me pretty hard because Ronnie and I were like brothers. Whenever he saw me he would say "Hey big dummy". He never said this in a vindictive way but it was always done good naturedly. We would bust each others chops all the time. Everybody loved Ronnie. Even his co workers, who were predominately black. He was a supervisor for a waste disposal company in Montgomery Alabama. 

 Ronnie was a bigot, but not in a hateful way. One of the reasons that he called me big dummy is that we differed on a lot of issues, especially in the area of race. Ronnie on the other hand was kind to everyone and his bigotry, like many white people in the South, was based on his upbringing. He was fair with everyone regardless of race. Ronnie was one of the few white men I ever knew that could jokingly call black people the n word and get away with it. While he lay dying in the hospital many black people would come by to see him. I was there one day when one of his black coworkers walked in and Ronnie greeted him with something like "Well there's that nigger from the shop". I was shocked at this but the man seemed to be unfazed. Both were laughing and joking with each other the whole time. Ronnie routinely interacted with his black friends in this way.

 Debbie had been staying with Ronnie after Hospice was called in and I was driving to Montgomery on my days off. On Sunday October 1st, I drove back home so I could work my job at Bridgestone the next day. While at work, on the afternoon of Tuesday October 3rd, I received the news that Ronnie had died. I made preparations to leave for Montgomery early the next morning October 4th. To make a bad situation much worse a category 4 hurricane named Opal was about to slam into Ft. Walton Beach Florida. Montgomery is just 3 hours north of Ft. Walton Beach and was directly in the path of the storm. It was surreal as I drove down I-65 south through Alabama enroute to Montgomery. I was one of the very few people driving south while the north bound lanes of the interstate was bumper to bumper traffic trying to get away from the storm. 

 I arrived in Montgomery about an hour before the hurricane made landfall in Ft. Walton Beach as a category 3 hurricane. When I arrived at Ronnie's house his body had already been taken to the funeral home. My son Robbie had left to go back to Tennessee shortly before I arrived. Sadly he had to help getting Ronnie's body on to the gurney so he could be taken to the funeral home. The house was all boarded up with plywood in preparation for the storm. It wasn't long before hurricane Opal hit Montgomery just after sunset. This was my first hurricane and about ten minutes into the storm the lights flickered a few times before finally going out altogether. Montgomery would be without power for days.

 I have experienced the death of many close family members. Typically in the South, when someone dies, they are not buried until the 3rd day. For the first two days family and friends come by the funeral home for visitation and viewing. The third day is set aside for the funeral. These three days were miserable because it was stifling hot inside Ronnie's boarded up house without electricity and it was boring without TV to watch. Luckily, we had  a battery powered radio. The funeral home never lost power, however. There were trees and power lines down all over Montgomery. A tree fell on top of a house close to us. We were needing to find a store that was open and the only place that I could find was a K-Mart. They had no power but the cashiers were set up outside in front of the store. You would tell them what you wanted and a worker would go into the store and retrieve it for you. In spite of the storm, and terrible conditions, the funeral home was packed with family and friends. Both white and black. Ronnie was buried under a magnolia tree in a local Montgomery cemetery.